More than I
by Shimmersea
Summary: Sad oneshot with Starfire musings. (Starfire anything but HAPPY? Never.)


A red headed Tamaranian sat cross-legged on the wall of the Teen Titan's roof, separating her from a long, long fall. She had a dreamy look in her eyes, and her head rested on her hand, and she watched the sunset, completely content.  
  
She would be forced to retire soon. With the sun and its life giving energy gone, she'd rather not risk collapsing into a deep slumber until it rose again. But while there was still just a hint of sunlight, she could stay out here. Just a little while longer...  
  
Just a little while longer. That's what she kept repeating to herself in her head.  
  
Just a little longer, she would think. I know Raven likes him... I will wait just a little longer. I don't want to stop Raven from having him.  
  
Yes, the undeniable sparks between the two were explosive (literally, as every time he was close something combusted in dark energy). Starfire always had thought their own chemistry was evident. But Raven's happiness (whether she would admit she was happy or not) was much more important than hers.  
  
Oh yes, sometimes she wondered why she put everyone in front of herself. She never gave herself the time of day, but she would bend over backwards for her friends.  
  
She didn't want to hurt Raven.  
  
But what about hurting yourself?  
  
Why was her happiness less important than Ravens? She felt so wonderful around him, as if her feet weren't touching the ground (in a more emotional than literal sense, of course). Yet... For some reason, seeing Raven this way made her much happier, just about as happy as she was around him.  
  
What will you do if she does it? If she claims him?  
  
Starfire glanced down. It would hurt a little to not be with him. Not be with him in the way she had yearned to be for the three years they had known each other. Could she stand by and watch Raven make a life with him? Was she even certain they would even go that far?  
  
You know they will. He looks to you. If you don't show interest, he will go to the second best.  
  
Raven was NOT second best, she chided herself. Raven was a good person. Sometimes a little unemotional, but she knew they would have many happy years...  
  
Are you just going to stand there and watch as they move on without you?  
  
Starfire watched sadly as the sun went down.  
  
"I will wait as long as I must. Until I am assured Raven's emotions do not interfere with mine, I will not pursue him. Raven merits it, doesn't she?" Starfire clarified aloud.  
  
Why don't YOU deserve it?  
  
Bone chilling silence. Starfire shook it off, and got up. It was dark, and she had to retire. She sighed and pulled her vibrant red hair back slowly. She glanced at the blue, purple, and navy horizon.  
  
Yes, I deserve it. But I'm not worth it. Raven could bring him many happy years.  
  
Robin does not know my past. He needn't know my past.  
  
If I delved further into this relationship, I would tell him.  
  
And then he would not be able to accept me.  
  
Starfire gave a sad smile, before turning to the door. She blinked in surprise.  
  
"Starfire?" Raven queried.  
  
"Raven," Starfire replied with a grin. "How luck I am to see you AGAIN this day! My fortune is abundant! But I am afraid I must retire now."  
  
"Are you sure...?" Raven asked. "I was about to meditate, and I wouldn't mind if you joined me..."  
  
"I am sorry, Raven. I'm afraid with the depletion of sunlight, there has been a similar reduction in my energy. I'm afraid I must decline." Starfire replied. "Maybe tomorrow sometime."  
  
"OK," Raven replied in an very un-Raven like way. Starfire stepped aside, letting Raven through, then with a simple, 'Pleasant hours of darkened sky, Raven!' went downstairs.  
  
Yes, Raven deserved it.  
  
That's what she'd do. She could repeat that again and again. Maybe then she could go through with it.  
  
Raven deserved it.  
  
Raven deserved it.  
  
Raven deserved it.  
  
Raven deserved it.  
  
Raven deserved it.  
  
Raven DESERVED it.  
  
Much more than she did. Much more. 


End file.
